I Lost My Virginity To Him, Yet He Thinks I’m Cheating

Aunty Julie,

My boyfriend complains and sometimes gets upset that my vagina is looser than other times. He thinks I’m cheating, but I’m not. I lost my virginity to him when I was 19 and we are planning to get married when I graduate from the University. Now, I’m 22 and we are still an item and this problem is surfacing. What’s going on?

Ibukun, Ibadan

Dear Ibukun,

A woman’s vagina is less elastic when it is not sexually aroused. It becomes more elastic or “looser” when the woman is sexually excited. The more excited, the looser. A woman may feel “tighter” to a man when she is less aroused, less comfortable, and having less pleasure than her partner.
Hormonal shifts during a woman’s menstrual cycle affect vaginal secretions and may affect vaginal elasticity. She may feel “looser” on certain days of her cycle than on others.

Certain drugs, such as antihistamines or marijuana, may make the walls of the vagina feel dry so they seem “ tighter.”

A woman’s vagina may feel tighter or looser in different positions for intercourse.

Some men tend to be anxious about their sexual performance. Some have an exaggerated sense of jealousy. It’s always best to discuss such problems with a partner or with a professional. But some men may put the blame on their partners because they are unable to recognize their own insecurities.