Reasons Women Don’t Attain Sexual Orgasm

Some physiological factors inhibits a woman’s sexual desire and her ability to climax, include hormone imbalance, low testosterone, medications, such as anti-depressants, her anatomy- the distance between the clitoris and the vagina, and, of course, partner issues. This arises from the partner’s lack of appeal or his insensitivity, insufficient knowledge of the female body and premature ejaculation.

To make matters worse, focusing on having an orgasm creates pressure in a woman and this runs counter to sexual arousal; such that when a woman keeps asking herself to “relax” doesn’t work.

Also, many developmental issues also affect women’s sexuality. For example, parents’ intrusiveness, emotional hunger, in affection, indifference and hostility. All these leave lasting scars on children who eventually become adults.

Women react to the resultant emotional pain by developing a poor self-concept or body image, distrust of their partner and other protective and pseudo-independent defenses that, in turn, predispose alienation in their relationships.

Basically, insecure, or avoidant, attachment patterns they developed in childhood persist into adult life and strongly influence numerous aspects of sexual relationships.

According to a PsychologyToday by Lisa Thomas, approximately 25 per cent of women have difficulty achieving orgasm or have never experienced one, and even for those who experience it, the frequency is only around 50-70per cent. Other researchers found that most women did not routinely experience orgasm during sexual intercourse while some never did.

Psychology Today has been able to identify seven psychological factors that tend to negatively impact a woman’s sexual desire, arousal and orgasmic capacity. The list, however, is not meant to exhaust all possible psychological issues; however, due to clinical experience, these have been found to be fundamental and understanding them can help women achieve richer, more satisfying sexual lives.

Critical thoughts toward one’s body: Many women experience intrusive thoughts or critical inner voices about their body which interrupt the smooth progression of sexual excitement which typifies the arousal cycle of approaching orgasm. For example, they could have self-conscious thoughts about their breasts: “Your breasts are small. They’re not like other women’s breasts. Your breasts are misshapen Or they might have negative thoughts about their genitals. “Your vagina is too large. You’re too dry. You’re not clean, so don’t have oral sex.”

Many women have internalised their parents’ negative attitudes toward bodily functions during toilet training, thereby developing images of their bodies and sexuality as dirty. The genital area in particular,   becomes imbued with an anal connotation and it is confused with excretory functions.

Women’s shameful feelings about this area are extended to anything below the waist, including menstruation, in most cases and they end up feeling dirty or contaminated in a manner that can interfere with their becoming aroused or achieving orgasm.

When women have negative thoughts about different parts of their bodies, they find it difficult to take pleasure in being touched in those specific areas. If they feel critical about their body image in general, it is more difficult for them to fully enjoy sex.

Perceiving sex as immoral or bad: Many women have acquired distorted views about sex early in life, during socialisation. In general, parents’ negative attitudes toward nudity, masturbation and sex have a powerful influence on both male and female children’s feelings about sexuality and the act. As a result, people typically grow up viewing some sex acts as acceptable and clean and others as dirty and bad.

In addition, some religions, especially rigid belief systems, perceive sex as an expression of the baser or sinful nature of human beings. When women take on these attitudes, they tend to see sex as forbidden, shameful and bad. They feel guilty about wanting, seeking or experiencing pleasure in lovemaking and expect negative consequences or actual punishment.

Guilt about breaking mother-daughter bond with a mother who is sexually repressed: Girls learn by observation and imitation to be like the mother and feel strange or uncomfortable when they are different from their role model.

Therefore, when a mother is held back sexually, it is very difficult for her daughter to go beyond her in terms of enjoying sexual fulfillment in her adult relationship. A woman’s guilt and fear in relation to surpassing her mother in this area are often transferred to other women in her life. Due to these feelings, women are often afraid of standing out from their peers as mature, sexual women.

Fear of arousing repressed sadness: For many women, feelings of sadness related to emotional pain in childhood surface during a sexual experience, especially when sexuality is combined with emotional intimacy. For women who were maltreated or rejected early in life and feel unlovable, contrast of being loved, pleasured get and sexually fulfilled brings out deep and painful emotional responses.

When women try to hold back their sad feelings, they become cut off from themselves, both emotionally and physically and removed from the sexual interaction.

Fear of being vulnerable: A woman may enjoy casual sexual encounters, but as a relationship becomes more meaningful and intimate, being loved and positively acknowledged can threaten to disrupt her psychological equilibrium by piercing core defenses.

Depending on another person to satisfy one’s wants and needs breaks into the defensive posture of being self-sufficient and pseudo-independent.

Being open and receptive to another person threatens an inward, isolated, self-soothing way of protecting one’s self from emotional hurt.

Combining sex and love leads to a sense of vulnerability and is anxiety provoking because many women and men are afraid of being completely committed to a significant other, especially if they have been previously hurt emotionally.

Fear of arousing repressed memories of abuse and trauma: Being close sexually to a partner and freely experiencing orgasm tend to trigger unwanted memories in women, whose histories include sexual abuse or molestation.

Estimates are that one out of three to four women were abused sexually or experienced some type of inappropriate sexual contact with a relative or stranger before they were 18. In these cases, being sexual can be unconsciously associated with the abuser, particularly when the abuser is a family member and sex becomes guilt provoking, tinged with emotional pain and unacceptable in the woman’s mind. Any similarity between her partner and the family member increases the probability that these memories will emerge

Fear of loss of control: Women who rely heavily on maintaining control as a self-protective defense mechanism are prone to be resistive to a freely expressive sexual encounter.

This can show up in an overall fear of losing control or in more specific fears, such as fears of making noise or moving or even fears of urinating or defecating when letting go. Control is related to existential issues of life and death. Faced with issues of death, anxiety, people tend to detatch themselves from their animal nature and disconnect from a body that they know is mortal. This dissociation can inhibit feeling pleasurable responses during sex.