42-year-old divorcee Danielle* is a mother of four, an educator and somebody's secret mistress.Danielle and her lover text everyday until the evening rolls around and he has to return home to his unsuspecting wife. But Danielle hasn't always been the other woman, in fact, she has been the wife who waited at home with her children while her husband was out with another woman.
Danielle's first husband, and the father of her three children, had such an extreme sex drive she was desperate for him to find relief outside their marriage.
'My husband wanted so much sex I told my single friends to sleep with him so I didn't have to,' Danielle told Daily Mail Australia. Danielle said under normal circumstances she was happy to be intimate with her husband however they spent the majority of their time caring for their three young children which made sex feel more like a 'burden'.
'Sex is like washing their hands, it's just a bodily function that needs to be dealt with,' she said.
According the CEO and Founder of AshleyMadison.com, Noel Biderman, the most common benchmark for a couple's first affair coincides with the birth of a couple's first child.
'Often, women confess that they no longer feel attractive, or that they're physically impaired by their pregnancy, while men sometimes feel that sex in close proximity to their child is problematic.'
He said this is because many husbands and wives look for someone outside their marriage to satisfy needs that are often left 'unfulfilled' at home.
AshleyMadison reports that a lack of sex primarily accounts for the cause of an affair with 56 per cent of men and over 40 per cent of women.
'It's clear that most people who turn to infidelity are generally happy in their marriage and are trying everything possible to keep their relationship intact.'
'Those who choose to have affairs are simply looking for that one missing piece that's absent from their current marriage to make them feel fulfilled – whether that be sexually or emotionally,' said Mr Biderman.
Although she knew her husband was 'sleeping around', Danielle said she 'didn't want anything to do with it' and filed for a divorce.
After picking up the pieces following her first failed marriage, Danielle found herself with another man, but this time, she said she could no longer advocate for a traditional relationship and signed up for AshleyMadision.com, a controversial website that facilitates 'discreet extra marital affairs'.
Initially she set up an online profile with some friends as a joke but it didn't take long for Danielle to start talking to several men online who made her feel more alive.
'It is something personal and as an individual, independent woman I can decide if that's what I want to do, she said.
Knowing her second husband was also being unfaithful, Danielle said she was no longer interested in discussing her choices with her partner and decided to act in secrecy.
Although Danielle has since separated from her partner, she has met with six men from the cheating site, with every rendezvous ending in a sexual encounter.
She said the website has allowed her to engage in carefree, no-strings-attached sex'
'For me is I know I'm not going to be put under by any pressure with that person to enter into a relationship,' Danielle said.
'I would always lay down the ground rules that I was not interested in anything else – your private life is yours and mine is mine - the line is drawn in the sand.'
Danielle said all of the men she slept with have been involved in relationships and while their interactions were predominantly about sex, a lot of the online profiles state they were also looking for someone to open up to emotionally.
'It's not just about sex, it's also about that emotional and intellectual connection as well. A lot of men want to talk about stuff they can't bring up with their wives.'
She said the men she met through AshleyMadison.com were engaging in an affair because they were too afraid to ask their wives for a more adventurous romp in the bedroom.
'They are just not sexually compatible with their wives- they find them far too vanilla.'
'A lot of the guys are really nice guys but they are just extremely horny.'
She said they often had children under the age of seven, which is a really busy time for mothers and 'sex is not a priority'.
Danielle said she has actively encouraged her lovers to invest in their relationships at home, knowing it is only a difference in sexual appetite that is causing them to stray.
'I've said to them why don't you work on your marriage why don't you tell your wife what you want in bed?'
While Danielle said she is comfortable sleeping with married men, she is also of the opinion that they would probably be extremely uncomfortable if they were to learn that their wives were also engaging in the same adulterous behavior.
'Men contradict themselves. It's okay for them to play around but not their partner. Many of them are not open minded at all.'
After engaging in several salacious affairs with married men, Danielle said she doesn't think she could ever go back to being in a conventional relationship.
'These guys are telling me not to text at a certain time because they will be with their girlfriend or wife. They have secret folders with all this stuff locked away. How could I trust somebody again knowing [men] can be so sneaky?'
Danielle may not be involved in a traditional relationship, but she has been seeing the same man for around four months now.
'I'm a mistress to a man at the moment, I know he sleeps next to his wife and I am okay with that.'
'He knows I don't want to disrupt his marriage and culturally he can't leave his wife.'
Ten years her junior, Danielle said her married suitor travels for work which means she doesn't get too see him too often, but they speak everyday.
'I guess it is a relationship because we text each other all day, into the evening, but there isn't that commitment.'
With a complicated relationship history Danielle said she was surprised that the affair 'evolved' into a 'into a friendship and sexual relationship that is beneficial to both of us.'
'He has told me I make him feel important, I make him feel desired and manly which has been missing in his marriage.'
'He is Middle Eastern so I am also completely different, pale skin and red hair. I think that adds to it as well.'
Danielle said she is happy and comfortable in her unconventional relationship and now that she is no longer raising her children, she should be able to live for herself.
'I don't see why I need to bow down and do what society says what will make me happier,' she said.
After being on both sides of an unfaithful relationship, Danielle said she believes married couples will start to accept sexual infidelity as long as the financial stability each member gets from the relationship is not threatened.
'If you are not going to lose the house or the extra car or the holiday it is an issue.'
'If they aren't going to be affected financially, or have to go out on their own, then people will probably turn a blind eye.'
Danielle said she has watched her son's start to engage in what some would consider 'open relationships', which leads her to believe the younger generation won't be as hung up on the issue of fidelity.
'They are seeing three or four girls who know they are seeing other people and the girls are seeing other guys as well. I think the next generation will be a lot more open to expressing their sexual needs.'
*Name has been changed for privacy reasons
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