A break-up, irrespective of how it is done, usually never ends happily, especially when the individuals involved were very close or if the relationship lasted longer that a few months.
It is thus not strange to find that ex-partners still have feelings for each other long after the relationship has gone sour and both have gone their separate ways. It becomes especially difficult when they are still in close contact or if one partner pretends as if the break up is non-existent.
Many people would advise not to venture dating an ex as the end may be quite predictable, it is equally possible to date an ex and get it right once and for all. However, as relationship expert, Yangki Christine Akiteng, observes, the possibility is quite feasible but a few rules are necessary.
Be emotionally available
The hurt, fear and anger simmering on the inside after a break up can make a person emotionally available for a relationship. When this happens, there is the possibility that one is not emotionally stable and is not thinking rationally. Christine notes that “If it is likely that you will fail because of a sense of inadequacy/ insecurity, neediness, desperation, guilt, anger, jealousy etc., then don’t even start trying to get your ex back. In this state, you are not at your best and you are not thinking clearly and rationally.
The amount of time and effort it takes for each person to once again become emotionally available differs according to the time and effort each wastes ranting, raving, stalking, moping around and missing their ex.” Be sure that you have a firm hold on your emotions before considering taking back an ex.
Learn from past mistakes
“Whether you admit it or not, you contributed to the problems in the relationship in some small or large way, so own up and accept your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.
When you blame your ex, other people, God or the universe itself, you distance yourself from any possible lesson and acceleration of progress. You have more chance of success when you can avoid the same mistakes next time,” Christine states. Past mistakes help the couple to become better individuals and also improve the relationship significantly.
Slow down before making decisions
The fact that one may deeply want an ex back may not resonate with the ex. It is thus necessary for the individual to be honest about what he or she really wants and assess critically the true nature of things. Giving the break up time to sink in also helps to put things into clearer perspective. Live life outside the imaginations of life with the ex, consider the issues that led to the break up and see if getting back is really worth the time and effort.
Quit assumptions, embrace reality
Many relationships hit the rocks as a result of break in communication which is sometimes a result of consistent assumptions. Before concluding on anything, especially with the seeming changes in the life of an ex, seek measures to fully understand what these changes mean and work towards creating a better relationship than the old.
Be yourself
As much as one may want to present, if possible, a totally new look to the ex in the attempt to make the relationship work at all costs, it is important to also not pretend. Pretending to be a different person in order to impress the ex if not sustained will only lead to disaster. It becomes necessary also for the individual to ensure that the spouse is also not pretending in the attempt to lure the individual back into the relationship in order to avenge the break up. Caution is necessary.
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