Family Planning: Why Men Should Take Up The Battle (2)

The advantages of family planning cannot be overemphasised both in terms of individual and societal good.

 Besides helping the woman to maintain a healthier lifestyle, it helps to harness and manage family resources better, while on a broader perspective, societies can control population explosion, as well as improve socio-economic infrastructure of their people. It is pure common sense and logic which has helped many economies across the world to thrive better.

Family planning, also known as child spacing or birth control dates as far back as 1550 BCE and are well documented in Mesopotamia and Ancient Egypt history which listed the insertion of acacia leaves, honey and lint into the vagina to block the flow of sperm into the uterus as one of the earliest methods of contraceptive devices. Contrary to popular opinion now, abortion was once classified as a form of contraceptive.

A confirmation that this very important decision about family welfare has always been dumped on the shoulders of women. Our men simply ride us, spill their seeds and turn their attention to whatever catches their interests next. 

The outcome of such spillage is the responsibility of the woman. Modern technology has not really helped matters as most available contraceptives devices are still manufactured to work with the female anatomy. 

From barrier methods which include the cervical caps, sponge, spermicide and diaphram; devices which provide physical barriers for the woman’s uterus, preventing sperm from entering. 

The Condom which used to be a male device in this category and acclaimed the most effective because of its dual preventive roles, (pregnancy and STD) now has a dubious and clumsy female version, still targeting women as the underdogs.

You also have hormonal contraceptives which comes in three forms, the pill, the shot or injectable and the patch, with variations such as the ring and the intrauterine devices (IUDs), all designed to work against the natural mechanism of the female reproductive system. 

Then, you have the surgical contraceptives, also known as sterilization which are permanent forms, and includes surgical tying, burning or clamping of the tubes, and hysterectomy which involves a partial or complete removal of the female reproductive organs. Of all the devices, only the condom and the vasectomy are designed for men who wish to take firm control of their reproductive destiny.

Just as there is a long list of contraceptive method options, so there exists a long list of side effects to their usage. There has been reported cases of weight gain and obesity as a result of hormonal contraceptives, spotting and bleeding in between periods as well as irregular periods, secondary infertility among others, not to mention the discomfort of going through a process that is not foolproof. 

And when all these fail and an unwanted pregnancy occur, the trauma of undergoing an abortion is still the woman’s to bear.

In countries such as Nigeria where abortion is technically outlawed, it is only natural that activities of unskilled or quack health workers will be high, taking advantage of the situation, causing permanent injuries to their helpless victims or sending them to their early graves. Even then, this would not stop the guy responsible for her pregnancy from having an erection the following morning, even if he has no use of it, or going ahead to marry another woman thereafter who will most likely have more children by him.

I recall an incident which took place about a decade ago in Iju, a sub-urban area of Lagos State where I lived until 2005. Early one morning, the neighbourhood was rudely woken up by the loud wailing of several voices, it was obvious that something dreadful had happened. A woman in one of the four flats, Mummy Oyin as neighbours called her, had died.

 She’d had an abortion early the previous day but had later complained to one of her friends in the compound that she was bleeding and in severe pains. 

By the time they rushed her back to the hospital, she’d gone into shock, then more complications and she died. Everyone was shocked beyond words, including her husband who as the story went had forced her to have the abortion as he could not cater for an additional mouth. Mummy Oyin, already had three, the oldest, about seven years old at the time. In their anger and grief, some members of mummy Oyin’s family stormed the flat later that evening to

rain

 curses and threats on their in-law for allegedly killing their daughter. Eventually, common sense prevailed and peace returned. But only for a while as this widower a couple of months after got entangled in another relationship which further irked his in-laws. Daddy Oyin married this woman barely a year after his wife’s demise and they had a child together before I left Iju. In annoyance, his in-laws came to retrieve the children, then returned them on second thought. This man went on to have a total of three children with his new wife. Hmm!

Though this might sound a bit extreme, there is no doubt that most women constantly live in fear of being betrayed by their men one way or another through the relationships they cultivate. More often, our fears stem from our own insecurities and dependence on the men. If they fall in love with another woman, what will happen to them and their children? Would a new woman take him away completely?

A new woman, most times mean additional children; would these children now share in the hard earned fruits of our love, labour and sacrifices? Except for the Igbo culture where the first born son gets a large chunk of the father’s wealth, the Islamic culture or religious practice already has a laid down sharing formula which does not discriminate between the children, regardless of their mothers, ditto, the Yorubas, not unless there is a Will stating otherwise. A friend of mine, who lost her husband a couple of months back informed me recently that a second woman has shown up with a 10 year old boy for her husband. The new woman had only come forward to add salt to a festering wound as my friend’s husband had died suddenly and mysteriously in the arms of another woman who we had earlier discovered was carrying a toddler by him. Shola, about 15 years ago had been forced to apply her womanly wiles and wits to have a third child, their only daughter, after her husband insisted he was done with just two children, both male. The same guy went on to father two children from two different women! A couple of months back, Mrs. Aduni Bankole, stepmother of Dimeji Bankole, a former Speaker of Nigeria’s Federal House of Representatives took several pages of a popular Soft-sell weekly magazine to air her anger and humiliation when her husband, Chief Alani Bankole walked in with a new bride hanging on his arm, a young lady still in her 20s. She revealed her numerous struggles in a polygamous marriage and how she’d sometimes had to pick up meagre jobs in London (like mere mortals do), just to make ends meet and keep the family name and status intact.

The truth is, an outsider might not really know what goes on between a couple behind the scene. Unless revealed by the duo in a relationship, you might never be able to guess the level of compromises, sacrifices or tolerance either of them have had to make before they got to their present level. Many couples got married when the men had no jobs or could barely support their families. Hope and faith brought most of them thus far. This is one of the reasons divorce laws are very stringent in the Western world. The lack of such laws is what has informed most of the extremes women go through to keep their marriages, even when it is obviously not a marriage.

Two weeks ago, about 12 women died in India as a result of a sterilisation procedure gone wrong. India is famous for providing free sterilisation for women as a form of birth control to stem the growth of its huge population, and even provides monetary incentives to volunteers.

 India first introduced family planning in the 1960s when its populations was about 450 million. However, Prime Minister Indira Gandhi, discovered that it was the men that ought to be sterilised if the country were serious about getting results. So, she imposed a policy of sterilising men who already fathered two children but the men kicked against it and an outrage erupted. Since then, vasectomy has remained unpopular in India and the population has continued to rise despite government’s pegging of the number of children allowed to each couple.

Many reasons have been postulated about why vasectomy has remained unpopular among men generally and men in this clime in particular. From the fatal to the ridiculous and hilarious. Culture and tradition play very big roles in the mindset of the average African man, regardless of level of education. As head of the family, they ought to decide the roles played by the rest. Man is naturally created to be polygamous, it is circumstances and personal convictions that shapes his decisions. 

There is also the belief that a man who undergoes a vasectomy will reincarnate as an impotent man. (haba!) The simple truth here is that vasectomy is still largely shrouded in mystery, there is not enough information or discussion about its advantages nor facts about the procedure itself, for many think it could make them lose their turgidity or lower their libido and worse still, it is a form of castration. For men generally, their manliness is tied to their manhood and measured by its performance.

 A vasectomy might not work in tandem with such beliefs. But I ask, should we be stuck with culture, tradition and beliefs based on old wife’s tales if there are obvious and proven advantages to be derived from vasectomy?

For Uncle Steve, it was only a birthday gift for the woman who stood by him and behind him through the rough, thick and thin, assuring her that all he had was for her and her children. However, it was also a way of achieving his own peace of mind and providing him the much sought freedom to do his ‘thing’. And finally, it saved him from the clutches of a young bare faced, cold liar and calculating gold digger.

Source: Vanguardngr