When it comes to an addiction, a person’s willpower may not be the only determinant. For example, if a chain smoker resolves to stop smoking cigarette, it may not be so easy to implement. Drug addiction is even more difficult.
But what about issues like infidelity, fighting, use of expletives, etc? I believe that as long as the person is sane, it is not so hard if there is genuine determination. Let me use myself as an example.
When I got married some 11 years ago, I made a promise to myself to be faithful. Given what I had heard from men and women about men, I was afraid it would not be easy. But I said I would try. There have indeed been temptations, but I have been surprised that it has not been difficult at all to be faithful. I have not had to struggle to be faithful. With all sense of modesty, I can say that it has been easier for me to be faithful than to wake up when my alarm sounds in the morning.
Interestingly, I have been faithful for many reasons, but the top most is that I don’t want to disappoint myself. My mind always reminds me that I made a vow before God and man to be faithful. Why should I not keep my words even if no human being is watching? Even if most men are said to be unfaithful, why can’t I be different?
I have also told my wife that if ever I become unfaithful and tell her that it was caused by the devil, she should smash my head for that comment. But I have also asked her never to jump into conclusions over stories or even pictures purporting to prove that I am unfaithful. Such may be cooked up. If I ever cheat on her and she confronts me with it, I will not add insult to the injury by telling a lie. If I ever become unfaithful, it will not be caused by the devil. It will be because I choose to be.
Extramarital sex is not a reflex action or a spontaneous action like sneezing or slapping someone in anger. It is usually planned, sometimes over months. If one plans, night after night and week after week, how to sleep with one’s sister-in-law, house maid, secretary, neighbour, etc, and eventually succeeds, I don’t see how one should blame the devil. If one could not resist the devil during the weeks of scheming, then the devil should not be blamed.
The only thing I have ensured is that I don’t live away from my wife for months and years in pursuit of career or business.
The second example is that when I was 14 years old, I read some books (especially Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People) and decided never to swear at people or insult anyone again. It seemed difficult at first because our environment is one in which children, parents, teachers and other adults have no scruples about flinging swearwords at people. So, how do you react when someone insults you or your parents or your people? That’s difficult. But for over 30 years now, I have done it.
About the same time too in secondary school, I flung a bunch of keys at a classmate who had done something trivial to me and was running away. The keys caught him in the stomach. He grabbed his tummy and winced in pain. My classmates upbraided me. I felt ashamed of myself. I looked like a monster. I vowed that day never to fight again. For about 30 years now, I have not been involved in any physical or verbal combat.
Then, this is the strangest. Sometime during my teenage years, I noticed that I had many scars on my legs and arms from injuries sustained while playing, falling down, working, etc. Till today, two of my toe nails look like the talons of a hawk because they were broken many times. I told myself that I would never fall down again. It sounded ridiculous even to myself. But surprisingly, I have never slipped and fallen since then. Any time I slip, I catch myself somehow and save myself from hitting the floor like a sack. I can’t say how I do it but I guess it’s a thing of the mind.
Now, hear this funny one. When I was in class 2 in secondary school, my vice-principal caught me outside the class after break. I told him that I was coming from the toilet. He asked me why I did not empty my bowels in the morning before having my bath. That sounded ridiculous. I asked him in my mind if he was thinking properly: How could one control when to visit the toilet?
But years later, I decided to try it by forcing myself to empty my bowels before having my bath. Many times, it did not work. But after a while, my body got the message. Any time I tie a towel around my waist in the morning, be it 5a.m. or 10a.m., my tummy knows that it is time for gastrointestinal evacuation. Since my university years, that has been the practice. If my body is not ready in the morning, I only need to drink a glass of water for it to get ready for the routine.
Again, when I began working in 1995, the office had someone who served tea or coffee every morning. The aroma of coffee was too enticing for me. So, I took coffee every morning. A month later, I was hit by an abdominal pain that hurt as if my intestines were being shredded. I panicked and headed home from Lagos. Immediately I got into my hometown, the pain evaporated. Superstitious? No. Just simple psychology. That was about the third time I had travelled home and become well without any treatment: the first was at the university; the second was immediately after my National Youth Service Corps orientation. At that period, no other place was home for me except home.
Even though the pain had subsided, I still visited my doctor. He told me that the coffee was the culprit. It had woken up a peptic ulcer that was sleeping for years. Therefore, since 1995, in spite of the tempting fragrance of coffee – whether decaf or not -I have not tasted it.
point is that our mind is powerful: more powerful than we assume. When we challenge it, it gives us surprising results. No wonder Napoleon Hill wrote a book that he called: Think and Grow Rich. Indeed, as a man thinketh, so is he.
There are many things in life outside our control, but there are many critical things within our control. If we make up our mind to achieve certain feats in life, we will accomplish them. Even if we don’t get to the height of our dream, at least, we won’t be on the floor like those who never tried at all.
As we plan to go into the New Year in a matter of days, we can take a decision on one habit that has not added any value to our existence. If we put our mind to it, we can overcome it.
Have a wonderful Christmas and a fruitful New Year.
No comments:
Post a Comment